Lydia's Story

Lydia’s story is one of grace, protection, hope and healing; and this is just the beginning.

As the majority of you know, we lost our firstborn son unexpectedly due to me having an incompetent cervix. You can see his story here.
We had gone in for our 21 week anatomy scan and were thrilled to find out what gender our baby was, only to find out that he was “falling” out of me. His legs and hips were already in the vaginal canal and we had no clue, until it was too late. I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital lying flat on my back trying to keep him in and on January 3rd, 2017, our son was born and passed away forty minutes later. At the time the Doctors were not sure why this happened. We didn’t know if he started coming because of some type of infection, if my body went into early labor or an incompetent cervix, which was the first time any of us had ever heard of that. Unfortunately, with an incompetent cervix, most women don’t know they have it until it’s too late.
We ended up moving to Texas about four months after having Judah and we had recently found out that I was one month pregnant with our next baby. It was a little unnerving to be going to a new place, knowing I was pregnant and knowing that we had no idea what my issue was, but we found out that they had a really great high-risk OB department and that really put our minds at ease. Once I had met my Doctor and explained every detail of what had happened just a few months before, he gave a couple of options, as they weren’t sure what had caused preterm birth either. I could be monitored weekly to see if my cervix started dilating, and if it did, then we could have a cerclage put in. The risk was still high for losing the baby though because once the cervix starts opening, there’s not much to do to stop it. The other option was having the cerclage put in early (12-14 weeks pregnant), before the baby would be getting too heavy, or to have weekly progesterone shots to prevent early labor. He wanted to do both to cover all of our bases and I’m so thankful that he pushed for that, even though it made me very nervous. It saved Lydia’s life.

From 12 weeks to 35 weeks of pregnancy, I went in every week to get a shot, and at 14 weeks I had the procedure to get the cerclage put in. You can click the hyperlink if you want to look up what a cerclage is, but let me tell you, it’s not a pleasant experience. The majority of my pregnancy was filled with battling my thoughts. I had several restrictions and as Lydia got bigger, every low movement I felt sent me over the edge. I remembered feeling low movement with Judah before we found out he was funneling and to know that was the reason I was feeling him low made every low movement from Lydia frighten me into thinking she was coming out, my entire pregnancy.
I cannot brag on my Doctor enough. To see me consistently and do ultrasounds (some he wouldn’t even charge me for, just because he wanted to give me peace of mind) and cervical checks because I had freaked out so often, and to be so understanding, made my pregnancy so much more bearable. Around 25 weeks, during another ultrasound to bring me peace of mind, is when we finally got the answer to what happened: Lydia was funneling down to the cerclage. Right there on the screen, we saw that tiny stitch, that my Doctor had pushed for me to get, holding our baby girl in my womb. We left that day full of gratitude. Gratitude towards our Doctor and his wisdom and gratitude for Holy Spirit guidance to have the cerclage put in at 12 weeks of pregnancy. If I would not have had that procedure done, we would have lost Lydia the same way we lost Judah. For the last trimester and a half of my pregnancy, our growing Lydia was held in place with a little stitch that saved her life.

Fast forward to Monday, December 11th, 2017 and I was 36 weeks pregnant. We were so excited because the day that we worked to get me to, for nine months, was finally here: cerclage removal! With Lydia already funneling down to the stitch, therefore leaving only about a centimeter of cervix (normally a woman has about 3-4 centimeters until the baby is ready to come out), we were sure that I would go into labor that day, or for sure by the end of the week. Bags were packed, toenails painted and house cleaned in great anticipation for our girl, if she was to make her arrival early. Once the cerclage was removed, I was instantly dilated to 4cm and 100% effaced. Hearing this news we just “knew” that she would be here any day!
A week and a half went by and I had another follow-up appointment and I was sure that I would be dilated farther. I had been having irregular contractions, but I knew they had to be doing something! They checked me that morning and I was still at 4cm! The Doctor sent me over to labor & delivery, but since I was not having regular contractions, they sent me home. I was so disappointed. I had been walking and squatting until my legs ached. I had been cleaning and moving stuff around the house in hopes of getting her to move down. Here I was, terrified for nine months that she was going to come too early, and now that she was at a safe point, nothing! I know it may be controversial for some for the fact that I was trying to get her to come before 40 weeks. But when you have waited so long to hold your baby, especially when you got to hold your first one just eleven months before and not take him home, then once you hit the “term” mark of pregnancy (37 weeks), you’re more than ready to have your baby in your arms. Plus, I was enormous.
Christmas came and went and as six more days passed by. I continued to walk and squat as often as I could. I even went and bought a ball to sit on and do any exercises that I could to get her here. My contractions were still irregular, but I kept having some symptoms that were concerning, so on the evening of December 27th, we went in to labor and delivery to get checked out. Sadly, I had only dilated one more centimeter, and since I still wasn’t having regular contractions, they sent me home. At this point, I knew I had an appointment the next morning, and we really wanted Lydia to be born before Judah’s birthday (January 3rd) so they could be Irish twins, but we also knew that having her here would make his birthday a little easier to bear. That night when we got home from the hospital, I spent the whole evening rocking and bouncing on my exercise ball.
The next morning, December 28th, we went in for another appointment. I had been up since five that morning with irregular contractions and I was ready to talk them into inducing me if I was still at 5cm. Sure enough, the Doctor came in to check me and I had moved up another centimeter! I was now at 6cm and they said those words we had waited months to hear: “You’re gonna have a baby today!” They walked out to get me a wheelchair and Bryan and I just looked at each other and began to cry. Our day was here! 

They wheeled me over to labor and delivery to begin getting ready. Once they got me in a room, we decided to get started on the epidural so they could break my water. As some of you know, I had a terrible experience with the epidural when I had Judah. It dropped my blood pressure extremely low, and my pulse shot up way high, making me pass out and have difficulty breathing. All night into the next day, they could not get my blood pressure to regulate. I eventually ended up pushing him out without any pain meds. I wasn’t having contractions when I had to push him out, and he was only one pound, but it was still quite painful. When I had to get my cerclage put in, they had to give me a spinal (the same thing they do for a c-section) and that dropped my blood pressure some, but they were able to get it back up with some meds and it never had the same effect as the epidural. Since that went so well, we thought that maybe the difficulties I had before had to do with the circumstances of knowing Judah was coming and the high anxiety that brought.
We warned the nurse and my Doctor’s this time around, as I was willing to try using an epidural again so I could somewhat “enjoy” this labor and delivery since I wasn’t able to enjoy the last one. Also, I remember the pain of pushing a one pound baby out naturally and I knew a full sized baby would be even more painful. I went through the whole process of getting the catheter in my back, and they had pumped me full of fluids and had meds ready in case it was going to have the same effect as last time. Once everything was in, they began administering the epidural meds and the Doctor came in and broke my water. Almost instantly contractions began and sure enough my blood pressure began to drop dangerously low and again I began passing out and couldn’t breathe. This happened five times and started to affect Lydia’s heart rate. At that point the fear of passing out while in labor and keeping Lydia’s heart rate up was greater than my fear of labor and delivery pain. I finally told them to turn the epidural off and that if women all over the world can deliver babies naturally, then so can I. Little did I know what I was in for.

They broke my water at 2:30pm and at 6:04pm, Lydia was here. It was such a fast and extreme labor and delivery process that I was nowhere near prepared for. I had taken a few breathing classes, but I just knew that I planned on having an epidural, so I really didn’t prepare much for labor in that area. The contractions began to get very strong and close together, but at that point I was still just 7cm dilated. All of a sudden they became so intense and shortly after I was at 8cm and began screaming that I felt the need to push. They told me not to, that I still needed to get to 10cm. Two more contractions went by and by then I was screaming that I couldn’t help it anymore, my body was pushing her out. They thought that was strange that I was already feeling that urge when they had just checked me and I was at 8cm, so they checked me again and I was at 10cm! From there on out there was nothing beautiful about labor. Ha! I could not control myself and I was quite embarrassed. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and kept apologizing for scaring the Mom’s down the hall. Between contractions (that magical place where you can breathe and relax) I would apologize for being such a lunatic. I’m still quite embarrassed and hope I don’t see the Doctor’s that delivered Lydia at my next appointment. Ha! Once I began pushing I kept saying, “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t do this anymore! It hurts too bad!” and they kept saying, “That’s a great sign that she’s almost here! We can see her head! Just one more contraction and you’ll have her out!” LIARS!! I was so angry at them and after the 6th or 7th contraction of pushing and she wasn’t out, I finally yelled at everyone to quit telling me that she’ll be here on the next one. At one point I was growling, I was in such pain, and Bryan was laughing (after delivery of course) and telling me that he had never heard such demonic and animalistic growls come out of me before! I was hoarse for two days from my psychotic screaming and had busted blood vessels all over my chest, face and eyes. It was really quite embarrassing.
Finally, with two last pushes, out came her head and then her body. Magically, all of the pain was gone. There she was, 7lbs 2oz and 19 inches of pure beauty and squishiness. They laid her on my tummy and I heard those cries and felt that warm body; something I missed out on when I had Judah. I remember looking at my Mom and Bryan and both of them were crying. I was in such a state of shock, relief and peace, I couldn’t cry. I was just thrilled that she was actually here, after waiting so long to have my baby in my arms. It was the most magical and wonderful feeling in the entire world. Every terrible thing that I had just felt and went through for 3 ½ hours no longer affected me. I felt wonderful, the best I had felt in days, and it was glorious!

They put her in a diaper and laid her on my chest for an hour of skin to skin. Just her, me and Bryan.
To hold a living, breathing, warm baby on my chest was what I had longed for since I had held our tiny Judah skin to skin 11 months before. So much healing flooded our hearts. We just sat in shock and awe of our beautiful baby girl.

Having her here has been nothing short of magical. It is healing, hope and restoration. It is a love that we have never known or experienced in our lives; so strong I sometimes feel like my chest could literally burst open. We are so thankful to our Heavenly Father for such a beautiful and perfect gift. Everyday Bryan and I look at each other and say, “How is she so perfect?!”

We can’t wait to see who she will become, but for right now, we are savoring every single moment of life with her.