Joel's Birth Story: Born at Home, During a Worldwide Pandemic (with pictures)
Since I was young, pregnancy and childbirth have always been something I was super interested in. I wanted to watch everything about them and hear every story. Back in 2015, six years into our marriage and one year before we got pregnant the first time, I came across a documentary called The Business of Being Born. It changed my whole view on birth and I fell in love with the idea of a natural homebirth. I remember telling Bryan that that’s what I wanted to do, and even though he watched it with me and agreed with what he saw, he still didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. We didn’t have much knowledge on the subject besides the one documentary and a couple of friends who had done it, so when we found out we were pregnant a year later, we just went the traditional route for prenatal care. Twenty-one weeks into that pregnancy we found out that our son Judah was “funneling” and I spent two weeks on my back in the hospital trying to keep him in. You can read his birth story here. I had difficulty with high sensitivity to the epidural with Judah’s labor. At the time we had him and I wrote his story, we didn’t know it was a true issue and originally thought that the reason I reacted so terribly to the medication was due to being on my back for two weeks and being under high stress and anxiety from his situation. So I pushed him out without any medication or contractions. As you know, he had already made most of his way out just because of gravity, so while still painful, it did not take much effort to birth him. We welcomed Judah David into our arms and hearts and he was welcomed into Heaven forty minutes later.
After such a tragic event, just three months later we found out we were pregnant again. Homebirth was not even an option as I was considered high-risk due to me having an incompetent cervix and we were terrified of the unknowns. Thankfully, we were well taken care of during Lydia’s pregnancy and if you read her birth story you saw that during her birth was when we truly discovered the severity of the sensitivity that I had with the epidural medication. I was not able to use an epidural again due to passing out five different times before labor even got going, except this time, I was pushing out a full term baby. Because of the terror that brought, as well as having a baby completely naturally without any preparation or education, physically or mentally, Lydia’s birth was quite the traumatic experience. I felt completely out of control, I felt unexplainably immense pain and terror and I was forced into every decision of the medical staff since I had no preparation or knowledge of what our bodies were going through. After Lydia’s birth we had seriously considered not having anymore babies, especially because I knew FOR SURE this time that I would never be able to use any type of pain blocker. Because I would not be able to use any type of pain medication, I knew that the only way I could get through labor and delivery again was if I was able to do what I felt my body needed to do to labor and birth a child. A lot of hospitals will not allow that type of intervention. Many common hospitals don’t have the means of labor support that the body needs, such as tubs, birthing balls/stools or even just the freedom of walking and moving during labor, especially if you’ve been considered high-risk; they want you to be connected to monitors and IV’s, which limit movement. This is why it’s so important to do your research on where you plan to birth your child. We did not have this type of support locally that we desired for OUR birth experience, so I was terrified to have to try to birth another baby and be restricted on my back in a bed again.
As time went on after having Lydia, I knew we would eventually want another baby, so I began doing A LOT of research on how to have a successful labor and delivery naturally. Fear of the unknown is the biggest contributor to pain and lack of control in most situations, but especially in childbirth.
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On November 16, 2019 (my Mom’s birthday J), we found out we were
pregnant again! We were excited but also very nervous, knowing that I would
have to have another cerclage put in, months and months of weekly progesterone
shots and eventually have another baby naturally. I had desired so strongly to
have a natural birth my way, but at the beginning of Joel’s pregnancy I was
still considered a high-risk pregnancy, so I immediately made an appointment to
be seen ASAP so we could make sure that we could keep this next baby safe
inside. From the moment I scheduled the first prenatal appointment, everything
went wrong. It took several weeks of going back and forth and even getting in
some pretty heated arguments with staff and doctors before I could even get the
cerclage scheduled and then I find out that the high-risk OB that took such
great care of me during Lydia’s pregnancy was gone. Nothing seemed to be going
right and the amount of stress on me was overwhelming.
We finally make it to the day of surgery to put in the cerclage and as soon as
surgery is over, the doctor comes in and tells me everything went great and
that the cerclage was put in so well and that if I just wanted to see regular
OB for the rest of my pregnancy until cerclage removal, I could. We would find out later HOW well it was put
in, as it was quite difficult to get it out when the time came. But around 30
weeks, we found out that my cervix was holding up wonderfully. At 25 weeks of
pregnancy with Lydia, she had already funneled all the way down to the stitch.
Joel never did!
Learning that I could see regular OB was just what I needed to hear! I went
home that night and told Bryan what the doctor said and I took that as, “You’re
free to see a midwife!” J
At this point, after going through two births, two failed epidurals and hearing
all about what I had been educating myself on over the past two years, Bryan
was fully on board for having a homebirth this time. Little did we know God was
working on this all behind the scenes.
This decision that we both had
overwhelming peace about had a lot more to do with just having my dream birth
experience, but it turned out the be the perfect decision during a worldwide
pandemic.
The day after they put in my cerclage, I began searching for
a midwife. I was slightly nervous since I did not have a typical pregnancy. I
needed to find someone who was familiar with a pregnancy with a cerclage and
incompetent cervix, but also with cerclage removal, as I didn’t want to return
to the doctor to get it removed for fear of going into labor and having my next
baby at the hospital again. After doing my research and getting a great
suggestion from a friend, I found Dulce Birthing Services.
After my first appointment with Anita and her partners Kim and Elaine, I knew
right away that I was where I was meant to be. She assured me that she could
remove the cerclage when the time came and that they were very comfortable
keeping an eye on my progesterone levels throughout my pregnancy but also
helping support me mentally after everything we had been through. I explained
to them how traumatic my birth experience was with Lydia and my fears regarding
pain and they were so wonderful to reassure me that this time would be
different.
Let me just say, prenatal care with a midwife is totally different than prenatal care with a doctor. I would go into explaining it, but this is already much longer than I planned and I don’t think that a blog is the best avenue to discuss it. I would LOVE to share details with you if you’re interested though! The peace and confidence that I had in myself from the very beginning was something that I had never experienced with my two prior pregnancies. For the first few weeks after we had made the decision to use midwifery care, we could not get over the overwhelming peace that we had both felt regarding our decision. We knew it was only the type of peace that could come from God. We look back now and know that the peace with that decision was also because God knew what pandemic lay ahead.
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Saturday, June 27th, I began having close and consistent contractions around 4:00pm and they had been going on for about two hours. I reached out to my birthing team and they quickly headed to the house. They spent several hours sitting with me and working with me until the contractions finally stopped around 9:30pm. We were all sure that he would come that night or sometime within the next few days.
On Thursday, July 2nd, it was a normal day at home with Lydia. That evening, my sister brought us a big Chick-Fil-A feast. We spent the evening laughing at and playing with Lydia, going on a walk and playing Crash Bandicoot Racing. Leah left shortly after we put Lydia to bed and then Bryan decided to play some video games and I went to bed to watch a movie. I fell asleep around 10:00pm and then woke up right before midnight to turn off the TV and go to the bathroom. Bryan was just getting ready to watch a movie (he was off for the holiday the next day) when I sat down on the toilet and felt a pop! I felt a small gush and sat there for a minute trying to figure out if my water broke or if I was still peeing. Then, another small gush and I knew…my water definitely broke. I called out, “Baaaaabe!” He said he knew by the sound of my voice that my water at broke. J This was it! I knew that I had my babies quickly and since Joel was my third, I didn’t want to waste any time. Bryan immediately began filling the pool in the dining room and I called my birthing team, my Mom, my Sister and one of my best friends Delaine, who was coming to film the birth. Right away my contractions started strong, just like they did with Lydia. While we were waiting on everyone to arrive, I sat in the kitchen as Bryan filled the pool, my waters pouring out of me onto the floor. I began crying because I was so heartbroken that I didn’t savor every last moment of that day with Lydia as our only child, as if I knew this would happen that night. Looking back now, I realize that I truly did savor that day, I just didn’t know it. We spent the day snuggling and laughing, reading tons of books and playing. I just didn’t know it would be the last day of just her and me.
Everyone arrived around the same time and began getting everything set up, checking the baby’s heartbeat and just letting me labor. I stood in the kitchen laboring for a bit and as it grew in intensity, they suggested that I get in the pool. I had always heard that getting in the warm water made such a huge difference and it definitely did! I seriously couldn’t get over how much easier it was to relax! Joel was sunny side up, so it was making labor much more difficult and gave me a lot of back labor. After about an hour or so in the pool, labor was getting more intense but not much progress was being made. Several times my midwife asked Bryan to pray over me and at one point I even expressed my fear, knowing that the pain was only going to be getting worse. My sweet midwife got in front of me and reminded me that I had been reading Supernatural Childbirth and asked if I believed in what I read. They were so encouraging through the whole process.
My birth team suggested we try to move back to the bedroom so I could labor in different positions on the bed. On our way back to the room, I had a contraction right by Lydia’s bedroom where she was sleeping. I pressed my face into Bryan’s belly as I screamed at the top of my lungs, trying to muffle the noise so I wouldn’t wake her. There had to be an angel blocking the noise to her room that night, because I screamed so much and so loud during the whole labor process that I was hoarse for several days after he was born, but she didn’t wake up once! I kept asking between contractions, “Is she still asleep?!”
Once we made it back to the bed, I labored there for about another hour, trying even more positions: all fours, on my side, on my side pulling a towel for leverage. Nothing seemed to be helping and I was becoming even more exhausted. I remember thinking I didn’t know what else to do to get him out. I kept asking them to just get him out of me and finally asked if there was some special position I could do to get him out. At that point, they went and grabbed the birthing stool. Oh. My. Goodness. That thing was terrible! Ha! As soon as I sat down on it the pain intensified by 100% (as if that was even possible, it was already so intense)! I screamed and told them that it hurt so bad, that I couldn’t use the stool. That’s when they told me the reason that it hurt so bad was because something was finally happening by using the stool. At that moment I realized that I was going to have to push through this pain and have this baby on this stool, no matter how painful, because it was actually making something happen. With each contraction it got worse and worse. They had me try standing and at that point, I was so exhausted that my legs were shaking and I told them there was no way I could do that, even though I was hanging on to two different people. They checked his heartbeat as I was standing and it had gone down some. My midwife looked up at me and said, “Stephanie, you’ve got to get him out now. We need to get him out.” She later apologized (a few times J) for speaking to me so firmly, which just made me laugh because she didn’t seem “firm,” or rude at all! I could see the look in her eyes and knew that no matter the pain, I had to push through. Amazingly, at that point, I don’t even remember the pain. I was so focused on pushing to get him out it’s like the pain didn’t even matter. I’m sure the people in the room could disagree for as loud as I was screaming, but in my head and my body, all I remember is pushing.
Finally I felt his head pop out! I knew then that it was almost done! I shut my eyes and pushed hard again and the next thing I know, I look down and Bryan is crying, holding Joel up to me! I did it! I just had my third baby naturally and this time, at home, where I’ve always wanted to have my babies! I was so proud of Bryan for catching him, what a special moment, but boy was I glad it was over! J I picked him up and put him against my chest and he just stared at me. He was so tiny and so sweet. Right away we all thought that he looked just like Judah. We were actually quite surprised at how much they looked alike. Because he was face up and came out face first, his poor little head was so bruised on the back, as well as across his nose, and his poor little shoulders were so sore, you could hardly touch them without him screaming out. I had tried for weeks before he was born to get him to roll over into the correct position and he still came out sunny side up. Even though it made labor so much harder, my midwife said that it was a blessing that he came out that way because the cord was wrapped around his neck when we was born, and if he would have rolled one more time, it could have been a worse situation. I had prayed all through my pregnancy that God would protect him from the cord wrapping too tight around his neck because I would feel him move SO much. So while labor was much harder, it was worth it that he was born safe. Joel was born at 3:30am, in our bedroom, weighing 6lbs 5oz and was 18 inches long, born at 37 ½ weeks. Just 3 ½ hours of labor just like his sister! Who knows how much faster it would have been if he was turned the right way!
After he was born, they put me in bed to do my exam and get all of his measurements. He had a wonderful latch right from the beginning and has been a great eater since day one! It was so nice to just lay in our bed, talking and laughing with everyone. Our birth team took care of cleaning everything up, started a load of laundry and started me an herbal bath to soak in once we were done. The best part of having him at home was when everything was done and cleaned up, everyone left and we were home. We didn’t have to stay overnight anywhere, we didn’t have to wait on discharge orders and have people coming in and out for 24-48 hours checking on us and giving us paperwork and orders. I took my bath waiting on Lydia to get up and then we introduced her to her baby brother. As soon as she came into the living room and saw him she said, “Baby Joel! Mommy push him out!” She was so excited because she had been watching homebirth videos with me for months since I wanted her to be prepared for what she saw if he was born during the day. She wanted to hold him right away and as soon as we put him in her arms she wanted to pray for him because she said his head hurt. It was so sweet because we didn’t even tell her that his head was so bruised on the back and we had him in a little hat, so she couldn’t even see it. It was such a precious moment of watching her meet him.
For the first few days after Joel was born, all Bryan and I could talk about was what a wonderful experience having a homebirth was. There were a few times that I was really doubting that I was going to be able to get him out, but our birth team kept reassuring me it was possible. There was a time near the end that his heart rate was dropping, but my team stayed calm and confident, which gave me and Bryan confidence. Every doubt or concern I brought up (throughout pregnancy or labor and delivery), they quickly and confidently reassured me and gave me answers. It’s so important to do research for your pregnancy, labor and delivery. I read every book and thought I was so prepared with Judah and Lydia, but I felt even more prepared and confident this time around, because as they told me through my whole pregnancy, I am my care provider, they are just there to help and support me. Research your hospital, birthing center or midwifery team early on and know if they support you and your birth plan, it makes an HUGE difference. Our birth team are experts in their field and it was evident.
Three weeks after Judah was born, we went to church and that morning
God told me to name our next son Joel. Here he is, our Joel, who we’ve known
was coming for three and a half years.
Our family is now complete.
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