Full Faith, Strong Confidence



Before conceiving Judah I battled terribly with fear, but God had already begun bringing me to new levels once I became pregnant with him, and so going through this has only refined me even more. He did not cause this, but He has brought goodness out of it, because He is the God of restoration.

Right after my two week stay in the hospital, loving on our son once he was born and then having him die in my arms, I battled a lot with, "How else should I have prayed/I must not have had enough faith/I didn't use my authority over my body and my son's body correctly/etc." I still have to fight those thoughts. Even after this happened, I had a very hard time even praying for others, because my prayers hadn't seemed to work anymore.
The son that we prayed and believed for had only lived for 40 minutes. I remember in the middle of the night, not long after we came home from the hospital, Bryan was sick in the bathroom. I remember starting to pray for him and then thought, “Why should I even pray? There’s no point. It just doesn’t work.” Instantly I realized that that’s exactly what the enemy wants me to think. He wants me feeling defeated and useless. He wants to take my hope and have me question my trust in God. My God, who is only good and who has only shown His faithfulness, goodness and love in our lives. So even though I didn’t feel like it and I wasn’t even sure it would work, I began to use the tiny bit of faith that I had and I prayed. Shortly after, he came back to bed and was fine for the rest of the night. My faith was building. Another day, someone had asked for prayer for their friend’s daughter who was in the hospital and was told she wouldn’t make it. Again, I questioned if I should even pray. I had the same argument in my head as before, but again, I decided to pray. I wasn’t going to let satan win and I was going to use whatever faith I had left. Two days later she was recovering better than anyone could have expected. I’m not saying this to glorify what I did, but only to show how even the tiniest bit of faith can make a difference, and with that, my faith was built even more.

Through this trial I have gained a confidence in Christ that I have never had. Before my personal encounter with Jesus (about a three months before we found out we were pregnant), I believe that this trial would have completely scared me away from having anymore kids. It only makes sense in the flesh to be so terrified that it keeps you from moving forward after something so terrible has happened. But like gold becomes purified after being put through the fire, my hope has only grown stronger, which in turn has built my faith. I do not fear the future because I know Who holds me. I feel as though I have more hope now than I did when we were believing to conceive the first time.

Through this I have become confident of who I am in Christ (I am more than a conqueror! Romans 8:37) and I look forward to what He has for us. I look forward to what He has promised us. I look forward to the words that people have spoken over us from the Lord, coming to pass. We have been so blessed and encouraged by our friends and loved ones, but even by people who have reached out to us that we have never met! We have received gifts and letters from people across the country who have encouraged and prayed for us! God takes such good care of His children!

I want to encourage you because I have received this revelation for myself: I am a child of God. I have power over the enemy, who is nothing but a loud distraction and noise. He has no power or authority over me unless I let him. “Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7
Take your authority and realize who you are and who God made you to be!

Love and blessings,
Stephanie




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Judah

Married to a Preacher? Whoa!

From Indoors to Pike's Peak